We’ve all heard the same advice after a major breakup: “Take time for yourself,” “Reconnect with your inner self,” or “Find yourself again.”

The message has always been clear: after the collapse of a relationship, solitude is necessary for healing. It’s ingrained in the self-care narrative. But recently, my therapist gave me a perspective that shifted how I view this journey of healing. We were discussing the aftermath of breakups, and I echoed something I thought was universally accepted: “Shouldn’t one be alone after a breakup to get their shit together and heal?” It seemed obvious to me. Isn’t healing about being with yourself, in your own company, away from the noise of others?

But then came the unexpected answer. He said, “Should one? Healthy attachments can be equally healing.”

It stopped me in my tracks because, like many, I hadn’t looked at it this way before. We’re often told to avoid getting involved with anyone until we’ve “figured ourselves out,” to be alone and work on ourselves before allowing anyone new into our lives. But doesn’t it make sense that healthy attachments could also be a powerful source of healing? Could it be that we don’t always have to go through this painful process of self-repair in complete isolation?

The Solitude Struggle

Taking time for yourself often means dealing with the immense loneliness that follows a breakup. It’s a space where no one is there to fill the emotional void, and sometimes, that void can seem vast and overwhelming. Yes, solitude is supposed to be about self-reflection and growth, but often, it leaves us feeling disconnected, not just from others but also from ourselves.

What’s rarely discussed is that being alone, especially for long periods after a breakup, can cause us to lose touch with the idea of forming new connections. The longer we stay in that space, the more daunting it can feel to reach out, to take a risk, or even to believe in love again. The world beyond our healing bubble begins to seem cold and indifferent, and the thought of opening up to someone new feels terrifying.

The Healing Power of Healthy Attachments

But what if it doesn’t have to be that way? What if, instead of hiding away from the world, we allowed ourselves to build new connections—healthy ones that nourish rather than deplete us?

I’m not suggesting we rush into new relationships to distract ourselves from the pain. That’s not healing. But a healthy attachment doesn’t have to mean diving headfirst into romance either. It could be finding support in friendships, in those people who offer safety and comfort. Or it could mean meeting someone who respects your healing process and walks with you through it, without judgment or pressure. Healing together is possible.

There’s something deeply human about connection. When we form healthy bonds, we can experience mutual growth, compassion, and understanding. Those attachments remind us that vulnerability isn’t weakness; it’s the foundation for intimacy and true emotional repair. When we’re with the right people, those who are genuinely invested in our well-being, we’re reminded that we don’t have to shoulder all the pain and responsibility of healing alone.

The Fear of Reaching Out

I know it’s scary to think about forming new connections after a breakup. The pain from the past can leave us guarded and hesitant. We convince ourselves that it’s safer to stay away from others until we’re “completely healed.” But the truth is, complete healing is a myth. We’re always evolving, always moving through life with our scars and imperfections. Waiting for a perfect version of ourselves to emerge before letting anyone in will only keep us stuck.

Instead, we can embrace the fact that healing is messy, and that sometimes, we heal more when we’re with others than when we’re alone. Healthy attachments—whether romantic or platonic—can be a beautiful, restorative force. When it works out, when you’re healed or healing together, it’s really nice.

Breakups leave us wounded, but they also open the door to new ways of healing. While solitude has its place in the recovery process, we should remember that healthy attachments can be equally, if not more, healing. It’s about balance. Yes, take time to understand yourself, to sit with your feelings, but don’t be afraid to lean on others too. Healing doesn’t have to be a lonely journey; it can be one filled with connection, growth, and love—both for yourself and others.